It’s a soap about a a bandit and a killer. And yes, she had limited job opportunities, especially if this takes place 30 years ago, when you couldn’t self-learn to code and freelance online. But her dad was able-bodied and he chose crime. D’Onofrio returns in his worst role portraying the worst kingpin on screen.
So the first episode opens with a tiny flashback to the Hawkeye soap. Are you seriously pretending that i remember anything from that? And then Kingpin has magically survived a shot int the head, with absolutely no consequences. And that’s why you always double tap. Or better yet remove the head and burn it, dissolve it, eat it, anything.
The car crash is so fake. At that distance she could’ve just removed her leg from the gas pedal. And go into the fields to the left and to the right. I literally myself had an oopsy from such a distance when i didn’t know which one is break. Throwing my mum’s car into the ditch finally freed me from the abuse of forcing me to learn how to drive, and i never learned since. Driving manual is not a science it’s a damn art, the stupid-arse beast chokes every time you try to start it. I hate manual so much, it’s plain frustrating with no result or need. I have metro, trolleybuses, buses, trams, trains, taxis. Why would i need a car if i don’t live with village people?
The second episode starts with A Tribe Called Red — Electric Pow Wow Drum. It was already a meme for years.
In the third episode the stupid ghosts helped to capture her. Without them she would be fine.
When her cousin gets kidnapped too, they start to blabber nonsense and muhfeels instead of getting out. Like, is this what these people think a girlboss is? An incompetent fool who lets her muhfeels overwhelm her in a tight situation, so she becomes hysterical and prioritizes a scandal over saving her own life?
After which there’s a terrible action sequence with terrible cinematography. It breaks 180, there are terrible cuts, and shaky cam. The out of shape actors with no training are barely shambling around.
She uses a rubber band and a dead screwdriver to make a magic gun. Then lightly taps a dude and he dies, while another guy kills himself by brushing a jacket’s sleeve on his face. No i’m not joking, a dude brushes his own sleeve on his face and dies right there.
Episode four reveals that she isn’t just a thug life bandit, she is actually deranged and damaged in the brain since birth. She was always a pedro lopez and she was always with the bandits.
So Fisk has ordered an eye screen to simulate sign language. Hello? He could’ve make precise subtitles instead of whatever limited interpretation sign language offers. As a deaf person on the internet puts it, “This is a completely different language to English, with its own grammar, syntax and stylistic nuances.” That implant is literally watching crappy google-translate dubs instead precise meaning of the original words. And she went to rich kids school, paid by mob money, where she was taught math, reading and how to be a psycho.
Such an implant could literally generate SDH and show the direction of sound. Like showing a ninja creeping from behind. And if any bleeding lack of heart good of hearing white-arse yankee SJW wants to call me ableist — пусть сначала попробует выучить любой другой язык, например мой. I literally use SDH most of the time. I literally use SDH to watch this soap. And not because i’m hard of hearing, but because modern terrible actors are mumbling and can’t pronounce words properly. Meanwhile movies have HDR sound mixing where the voices are entirely unintelligible in the dead silence of the night, but explosions go beyond what your speakers were rated for.
Movies aren’t art. Movies are ought to be banned on the legislative level. Also most of the academic music recordings are mixed in a way to be extremely inconvenient. I Dovregubbens hall has an extreme volume range. Most of the time if you want to enjoy the music instead of missing a half of it or going deaf, you have to manually normalize the track.
Wait, what? They blame the granny? But Echo was always a bandit and a psycho, a proper mentally unstable people eater.
Why does the film play a protestant songs, when the characters are pagan?
The soap opens with Hawkeye saying that Kingpin killed her father (and her mother, one way or another), but she never confronts him about that?
The last episode shows that her mum is a healing wizard. She has magic healing, but didn’t heal her daughter? Who the hell wrote this terrible story?
During the scene they designated as the biggest set-piece they broke all visual continuity and because it’s so blatant you only think about that instead of about what is happening. She wears a tight jacket with no fasteners on the front, she gets punched, she appears standing wearing a leather getup, then she’s back to lying, she drops the tight jacket magically, and rises in a bulky leather armour again. What?
Then there’s bad unaction scene where she puppeteers her frail grandma to destroy bandits with her brittle bones. An uncomic unrelief teleported to his garage and in seconds returned with a truck ex machina he didn’t have. A dude pulls out magic movie silencer. Another dude shoots ПГ-7В impact shaped charge in the air, where it hits celestial sphere’s solid and explodes like a firework.
Then the bandits with guns seeing an unarmed girl just run away for no reason. Kingpin’s bandits not the protagonist bandit.
What the hell was this pointless stupid soap? The flashbacks were absolutely pointless. This is a total waste of time for nothing. Three out of five episodes are terrible. And the first two are merely tolerable. Marvel dedicated an entire bad thug life bandits soap for some extra from another sub-par soap. This thing probably exists only to magically resurrect Kingpin for future entries.
But what i can say, is that the casting of Alaqua Cox is alright. She is all natural no fakery. Well outside of Alaqua being a omǣqnomenēwak instead of chahta. But she is definitely no arian anglo-saxon dyed fake redhead playing slave character by smashing vodka before, during, and after the work.
How many executive producers does it take to to change a lightbulb?
- Kevin Feige
- Stephen Broussard
- Louis D’Esposito
- Brad Winderbaum
- Victoria Alonso
- Richie Palmer
- Marion Dayre
- Jason Gavin
- Sydney Freeland
Inside my shell i milk and hate 